We all really need the church all the time,
however there are also major milestones in our lives when the church can
help. Click on one of those below to find out more.
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MARRIAGE
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Congratulations on your decision to get married.
We are delighted if you are planning to come to St Mary's for your Marriage
service. We will do all that we can to make sure that the occasion is a happy
and meaningful one for you. We will also pray for you both that God will
bless your marriage making it rich in mutual love, honour and comfort and that
he and give you his help to carry out the promises that you will make to one
another.
As you look forward to your Wedding Day there are so
many things that you need to sort out. If there is anything that you need
help with as you think about the service do please ask. We will also do as
much as we can to help you think through the bigger issues of what marriage
means.
SOME THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW:
PREPARING FOR YOUR WEDDING
RESIDENCE
One of you at least must live in the Parish of
Alverstoke or regularly worship in one of our churches. This is very
important and it is a rule that is imposed upon us by the law. If you give an
address at which you are not living, the wedding will not take place, even if
arrangements have been made. If you are not sure about residential
qualifications please contact one of the clergy, or call at the Parish Office on
Wed., 7.00pm to 8.00pm. (Please do not telephone during this time). To see
the list of roads that make up the parish, click
here.
BANNS
There is a legal requirement that we make sure that
there are no objections to your marriage. The usual way to do this is to
'publish your banns'. This means that your names will be read out at our
10.00am Sunday Service for three weeks running on the first three Sundays of the
month before your wedding. If one of you lives in another parish, your
banns must be published there too. You will need to contact the Vicar
there and obtain a certificate from him after their publication. It is
important that you bring it to St Mary's as soon as you have it. The
wedding cannot take place without the banns certificate from the other parish,
so it is important that this is not overlooked. An ordinary licence, which
involves extra cost, is an alternative to having banns published. It
achieves the same result as banns and is needed if for example, one partner is
living abroad or there is difficulty in calling banns.
MARRIAGE PREPARATION
Couples arranging to be married at St Mary’s
Church in Alverstoke are warmly invited to attend an afternoon in preparation
for marriage.
Two of these events are held each year (in
2006 they were on Sunday 26th February and Sunday 30th
April)
They run from 1.15 p.m. – 6.15 p.m. and are held in the Church and the Parish
Centre, which is opposite the church in Green Road, Alverstoke.
Click
here for more details of the day.
THE SERVICE
FORMS OF SERVICE
We generally use the marriage service contained within
Common Worship - the Church of England's form of service in modern language.
You may choose the Order from the Book of Common Prayer if you wish. Do
arrange to talk to a member of the clergy if you would like more information
about this.
MUSIC
There is a wide variety of suitable hymns and music to
choose from. Click here
to see some suggestions. Two or three hymns may be chosen. It is
quite in order for you to choose hymns other than those listed, but if they are
not in either of our hymn books (Common Praise or Songs of Fellowship) you will
need to provide copies of the words for the congregation and choir, and music
for the Organist. If you want the Organist to play any special music, you
will need to provide him with a copy of it a month before the wedding. For
a separate fee, a soloist can be engaged to sing during the signing/registration
of the marriage by arrangement with the Organist.
If you need advice or guidance about this or any other
aspect of planning the musical content of the service, please contact the
Musical Director who will be happy to assist (tel. 023 9252 6255).
READINGS AND PRAYERS
Apart from music you are also very welcome to choose
one or two readings (at least one of which should be from the Bible) for your
wedding service, and to discuss the prayers with the person conducting the
service. Do please ask if you would like some help with this.
WEDDING EUCHARIST
Communicant members of the church may wish to have
their wedding in the context of a Eucharist (Communion Service). If you would
like to do this please ask at as early a point as possible so that we can
discuss arrangements.
SERVICE SHEETS
You do not need to produce your own service sheets,
but most couples choose to do so. Do please ask for guidance in this.
If you decide to have service sheets, please provide twelve extra copies and let
us have them a week beforehand.
SOME PRACTICAL THINGS
REHEARSAL
Your rehearsal will be arranged by the church
secretary, (tel. 023 9258 0551), for the week prior to your wedding.
Please allow sometime for this. The rehearsal will usually take place at
5.00pm, 5.30pm or 6.00pm on Thursday evenings.
TIMING
We try to make it possible for every couple to have
the day for the wedding they first choose and this sometimes means several
weddings on one day at intervals of one hour. We guarantee that the
service will be dignified and unhurried, but it is important that it starts on
time. If the bride is late we still have to finish at the same time in
fairness to others.
PHOTOGRAPHS
Photographs are allowed during the service with the
agreement of the person conducting the wedding. A photograph may be taken from
the ringing chamber. The Tower Captain has full authority there and the
photographer should not enter the chamber while the bells are being rung.
VIDEO AND SOUND RECORDINGS
A fee is charged for video recordings in church
because of the Copyright Act. All video recordings taken must conform to
that Act and are only permitted in church when permission has been given and a
signed video application form is returned. A form is available from the church
office and must be returned to the office not later than twenty-one days before
the wedding. Video recordings must be taken only from a position in the
side chapel or side aisle and without special lights.
No unofficial or unauthorised video recordings can be
permitted within the church.
Most professional firms will be aware of these
arrangements, but there may be occasions when a video recording is planned as a
gift by relatives or friends, so please ensure that everyone connected with your
wedding or blessing is aware of these details, to avoid disappointment on the
day.
FLOWERS
There is always an arrangement of fresh flowers on a
pedestal near to the pulpit. These flowers are renewed on a weekly basis
for the Sunday services (usually on a Friday or Saturday morning). You may
find this acceptable for your wedding. If not you may:
1. Have a particular colour scheme which you
would like to have incorporated into the existing flowers, or,
2. Like to have extra flowers to those provided.
These may be provided by you through a florist of your choice, or it may be
possible for members of St Mary's Church Flower Guild to provide extra flowers.
We have an album of photographs of arrangements which we have done recently
which you may view to give you ideas. We also have a price list.
The Co-ordinator of church flowers is Mrs. Jo
Fernando, tel. 023 9260 1881
NB During Advent (four weeks before
Christmas) and Lent (six weeks before Easter), there are no flowers in the
church. If you provide flowers at these times you must remove them before
Sunday.
We want your wedding to be perfect for you. We
also want all of the other weddings to be perfect. It is therefore
necessary for any extra flowers to be in place before the first wedding of the
day commences. It will not be possible for you to remove major
arrangements from the church before the end of the last wedding of the day.
An arrangement on a pedestal must also always remain by the pulpit.
USHERS
It is helpful to have two ushers in church, fifteen
minutes before the service to give out hymn books or service sheets. After
the service they should collect any books left in the pews and any belongings
guests may have left.
WITNESSES
Two witnesses are needed to sign the registers.
Any two people present at the service may sign; often the two fathers do this.
COSTS
These fall into two categories. Statutory fees
which must always be paid and fees which are only charged for extra facilities
such as organ, choir, bells etc. If all these extras are arranged there
are about twenty people involved. We do our best to provide up to twelve
junior choristers for the choir and six or eight ringers for the bells.
The fees for weddings are reviewed annually every
January.
For the full list of fees for the current year
please click here.
Fees should be paid in full after the 10.00am service on
one of the Sundays when your banns are published. You will be notified by letter
the month before.
USEFUL CONTACTS
- see our 'Who's Who' page.
RECEPTION
- Having arranged your wedding ceremony, you may be thinking about where to hold
the reception.
St Mary's Parish Centre is available to hire, with the
following advantages:
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Convenient to church
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Spacious hall for up to 120 persons
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Separate lounge
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Large garden with ample space for marquee
You may use your own caterer, or let Bezani's Catering
do it all for you, including bar. Contactable at the Old Lodge Hotel, 50
yards right when you leave the Parish Centre. Tel. 023 9258 1865
The facilities can be seen and bookings made at the
office in the Parish Centre, open 9.30 to 12.00 noon, Monday to Friday;
tel. 023 9258 1550. For hire costs and further details click
here.
Confirmation
The basic course for adult confirmation preparation is
the Alpha course. Whether in the summer or
the autumn candidates will be presented either at the Cathedral or at one of the
deanery Confirmations, which takes place either in May or November.
Special course are arranged for young people wishing to
be confirmed. These usually begin in September and the candidates are
presented to the Bishop in November at the deanery Confirmation Service.
Death In The Family
Many of us are bewildered by approaching death and
confused by the possibilities presented to us when we are faced with the need to
plan a funeral. This section attempts to help those in either situation.
Ministry at the Time of Death
Clergy in the parish work in in a number of nursing
homes and the hospital as do a number of trained lay people. They are all
willing to support the family of those who are with their loved ones at the time
of death, either by just being there, or by offering the prayers of
commendation. Families can help the ministers by asking the staff at the
hospital or the nursing home to call them.
Before the Funeral
The family will usually have visited a Funeral
Director of their choice. They will then call the parish office to
make arrangements about the time, the place, and who will conduct the funeral.
If the funeral is to be held in church, the parish
secretary will arrange the organist and sidespeople for the service.
If the service is held either at the crematorium or the
cemetery the parish secretary will arrange for a clergyman to conduct the
service. All other aspects should be discussed with the Funeral Director,
who will arrange for an organist if hymns are required.
The clergyman who is conducting the service will then
visit the family. He will offer help and support in this difficult time as
well as making the necessary preparation for the funeral service. He may
wish to rehearse the story of how the person died and pick up information
about what kind of person they were so that he is able to suggest readings and
prayers that are suitable.
Matters to be considered include:
Is a service sheet to be prepared?
Is a special floral tribute needed in the church?
What music is to be played or sung?
What readings are to be used?
Is someone close to the family going to pay a special
tribute?
Are there any particular circumstances to be aware of?
After the funeral
Two services can be held after the funeral.
The first is the burial of the Ashes. This
is a short service and may happen quite soon after the funeral when the
family are still gathered, or at a later date when the family wish to remember
the person who has died.
The arrangements will usually be made with the Funeral
Director who will contact the parish office. If the Ashes are to be
interred in the Churchyard, arrangements about the date and time should be made
with the parish office.
The second is a memorial service. This can
take one of three forms. The first is a service close to the cremation and
in Church. Here the funeral service will be used without the Committal.
Secondly a service can be held in Church several weeks after the funeral to
enable those who wish to be present to make the necessary arrangements.
The family will be involved with the Clergy conducting the service in arranging
a fitting tribute.
All arrangements for a memorial Service should be made
through the parish office.
Every year, on All Souls Day, November 2, a service is
held in church and the names of those who are to to remembered are read out in
the prayer time. Those who have been bereaved in the past year are
encouraged to attend.
It is not always appropriate for the church to offer
pastoral support. Many people are sustained by the love of family and
friends. But if you would like a visit from the church please contact the parish
office.
Home Communion
This is a lovely quiet ministry appreciated by people
who are unable to come to church.
A small number of Eucharistic Ministers holds a short
communion service wherever they are needed at home or in a Nursing or Rest Home
taking the reserved sacrament to them.
If you would like to receive Holy Communion in your
home or know of someone who is unable to be in Church and would like to receive
Holy Communion, please telephone the Parish Office (023 9258 0551) and
one of the team will be in touch with you.
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